i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
