everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
