what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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