No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
