She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
