Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
