sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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