Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
