We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
