It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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