Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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