My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
