apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
