Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
