Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
