Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
