Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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