two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
