it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
