I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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