Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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