Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So. Much. Porn.
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