and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
