I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
