I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
