nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
