i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
