so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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