sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
