youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
