Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
