I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
