also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
