The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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