I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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