Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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