Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
