marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
