i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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