i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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