i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
