I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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