Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
