he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
