remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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