I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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