bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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