Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
