I think my fart just growled at me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
