We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
