sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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